Deviation Actions
Literature Text
Those hits you take
Just one more day
Just gone to waste
A day of eternal rest
An endless slumber
Just over the horizon now
A path of shit
Now dragging you to the dirt
Such a shame
But who's to blame?
Hi, there- this is a critique for 
What this piece does best is communicate its point in a concise way. There doesn't need to be any long-winded explanation of your stance on this issue, and you decide, appropriately, not to include one. One line is enough, and by ending the poem with a question, you invite the reader to consider what their own thoughts are on the subject.
If there was one line of this poem that I'd change, it would be line eight. I don't have a problem with people using swearing in their work at all- but for some reason, using “shit” on that particular line doesn't work for me. I think it might be more to do with the abruptness of the word itself, instead of its meaning- it brings the flow of the poem to a sudden stop when I read it out loud. It might just be how I read things, though.
Great job on this poem!